Reasons Why Captain Janeway Is Better Than Captain Picard
- One word: hair
- More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
- Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
- Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
- Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
- Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
- Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
- Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit
they're lost and pull over for directions.
- Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way
- Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
- Looks better in sleepwear.
- Isn't French with an English accent.
- "Take this cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here, either,
but I loved that line!
- Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience.
- When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again.
- Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to
convince them to behave better.
- To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way.
Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake up for
- The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.
- Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
- She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
- Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
- Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of
trying to weasle her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
- 30 episodes without surrendering the ship.
- 30 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
- Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs.
Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniouses who yet again take
over the ship.
- She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
- Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic!
- Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a shirt;
Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network television.
- Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in
with a primitive planet.
- She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in the
Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
- Her engineer does not wear a bananna clip over her eyes.
- Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
- Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
- Her telepath only lives nine years.
- Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone
before" and took them to the extreme.
- 45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe
instantaneously? That's excessive!
- Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day come
to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the deadliest
- Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
- The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf
- Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
- Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
- Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy, Paris,
are YOU ever stupid."
- Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
- Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
- Has a more manly voice.
- Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight spot.
- Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
- Kes. Troi. No contest.
- Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
- At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she
wants something to drink.
- Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
- Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
- Her OPS officer can use contractions.
- Her first officer has a halucinogenic device.
- None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the
ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all
- To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her spirit
guide. Picard's first officer helps him get . . . to Risa.
- Riker never smiled at Picard that way.
- Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked Picard's
girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted.
This list was created by Gerard Monsen (firstname.lastname@example.org). If you have
any suggestions, please e-mail them to me. The master list is held at
http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen/janeway.html I would like to thank the following
people for their contributions:
- Karyn Lou, KarynLou@aol.com
- Richard Hanson
- Davide Hawkins, email@example.com
- Dee Elling, firstname.lastname@example.org
- Jeffrey K. Stier
- "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard"
by Hemi and the Frakmaster
- "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Picard is Better Than Captain Kirk"
by the Patrick Stewart Estrogen Brigade (I didn't make this up).
- "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Cmmdr. Sisko is Better Than Both of 'Em!"
by Admiral Wombat
- Matthew Carlton, email@example.com
- Randy Patton, Randy.Patton@vt.edu
- Terry Arzola, firstname.lastname@example.org
- Seth Dilday, email@example.com
- Mikael G. Haxby, firstname.lastname@example.org
- James Railton, Jeannie.Dickie@cyberstore.ca
- Merv Sutai - Jare'achan, TREKNOLOGIST@delphi,com
Gerard Monsen, Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory (all opinions mine)
e-mail: email@example.com URL: http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen
See: "Reasons Why Captain Janeway is Better Than Captain Picard"
© Copyright Stephen Jacob, 1994-2006.