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TNG: Menage a Troi

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This scene was very kindly contributed by Melina Kramer. It is one of the funniest scenes in Trek, and I hadn't even thought of it for this page. The whole scene is really necessary, so instead of putting it on the main TNG page, I've put it on a separate page. Enjoy. =)

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A Scene from Menage a Troi

[Lwaxana has been kidnapped by a Ferengi named Daimon Tog and is aboard his vessel. Picard hails them in an attempt to rescue her]

Lwaxana
When will you get it through your thick head that it's over between us, Jean Luc?

[they mute the channel]

Deanna
I think I know what she's doing. You have to fight to get her back, Captain.

[channel reopened]

Picard
Um, eh, uh, it's not over between us Lwaxana, um, uh, you're mine and uh, I, I will not let you go - I insist you return to my side immediately!

Lwaxana
You mean, you still care?

Picard
My love is a fever, longing still for that which no longer nurseth the disease.

Lwaxana
Oh, tell me more!

Picard
In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes for they in thee a thousand errors see, but tis my heart that loves what they despise, who in spite of view are pleased to dote - shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely, and more temperate . . .

Tog
You didn't tell me that you and Captain Picard were. . .

Lwaxana
You said that you didn't want to hear about my other romances. I have a new love, Jean Luc! And you can't keep killing all my lovers, now that simply has to stop!

Tog
Killing?!

Lwaxana
Oh, he's insanely jealous.

Picard
Listen, Tog!! I must possess Lwaxana and if that means destroying your ship in the process, so be it!

Tog
Captain, I had no idea Lwaxana. . .

Lwaxana
Don't let him threaten you, you can defeat him. The only way you'll ever get me back is over Tog's dead body!

Picard
That can be arranged! Mr. Worf, arm phaser banks and photon torpedoes! If Lwaxana Troi is not in my arms in ten seconds, throw everything you've got at the Craton!

Tog
But you will destroy Lwaxana!

Picard
When I have plucked the rose I cannot give it vital growth again - it needs must wither! Nine. Eight. Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all! Seven. Six. Five. Four. Thr-

Tog
Beam her to the bridge! Now!

[Lwaxana sits on Picard's lap]

Lwaxana
You wonderfully jealous fool, you!

Tog
Uh, Captain, I trust there will be no further action taken against us.

Picard
Just as my reporting this incident to your superiors who may question your competence as Daimon. I'll think about it! Screen off!

Lwaxana
Thank you Jean Luc. You were most convincing. You certainly convinced me.

Picard
I'm truly grateful, Mrs. Troi, that you risked your life to save my people. I'll have you home in a few hours.

Lwaxana
Oh, no, that won't be necessary. I'd just love to hear more of your poetry.

Picard
[worriedly] Perhaps another time. Mr. Crusher, set course for Betazed. [quietly, urgently, to Wesley] Warp nine!

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